Reparenting Yourself: Healing from Family of Origin Trauma
Hey there! Let’s get real for a second. If you’re here, you probably already know how heavy family of origin trauma can feel. The stuff you went through as a kid—the words that cut deep, the things that were never said, or the love you desperately needed but didn’t get—can still echo in your life today. Maybe it’s in how you respond to conflict, how you view yourself, or even how you navigate relationships. I get it. Family of origin trauma leaves a mark, but here’s the hopeful part: you can reparent yourself.
Reparenting is a fancy way of saying, "I'm going to give myself the love, care, and guidance I needed back then." And let me tell you, it’s not just possible—it’s powerful.
What Does Reparenting Look Like?
Reparenting is about showing up for yourself in the way your caregivers couldn’t (or wouldn’t). It’s a way of rewriting your internal script and giving yourself the tools to heal and grow. Here’s what it often involves:
Nurturing Your Inner Child: Imagine speaking to yourself as if you were that small child who needed comfort. You might say, “It’s okay to feel scared. I’m here, and I’ve got you.”
Setting Boundaries: Trauma often leaves us feeling unsure about boundaries—either we have none, or we build walls too high. Reparenting means learning to say, “This is what’s okay for me, and this is what’s not.”
Developing Emotional Regulation: When you’re triggered, your nervous system might scream, “Fight! Flee! Freeze!” Reparenting teaches you to pause, breathe, and respond instead of reacting.
Why Reparenting Works
Research backs this up. Neuroscience tells us that the brain is remarkably adaptable, thanks to neuroplasticity. That means with intentional effort, you can literally rewire how you think, feel, and react. I’ve seen clients in West Michigan—and beyond—begin reparenting themselves and notice big changes:
They stop the cycle of self-criticism and learn to offer themselves compassion.
They build healthier relationships, no longer letting unresolved trauma drive their connections.
They feel more grounded and secure, even in situations that once felt overwhelming.
According to the American Psychological Association, engaging in self-reparenting strategies aligns with cognitive-behavioral therapy principles, which help in reshaping negative thought patterns and behaviors stemming from past trauma.
How to Start Reparenting
You don’t need to have all the answers right now, and trust me, it’s okay to take baby steps. Here are some ways to begin:
Listen to Yourself: Check in with your emotions like you’d check in with a friend. What’s coming up for you, and what do you need in this moment?
Create Rituals of Care: Maybe it’s journaling, meditating, or just taking a walk along one of West Michigan’s gorgeous trails. Find ways to nurture yourself daily.
Challenge Old Beliefs: If you grew up hearing “you’re too sensitive” or “you’ll never be good enough,” start asking, “Is this actually true?” Spoiler alert: it’s not.
Get Comfortable with Self-Compassion: You don’t have to be perfect to deserve love—your own love included.
You Deserve This Work
Let’s be clear—you’re not responsible for what happened to you as a kid, but you are responsible for how you show up for yourself now. Reparenting is about reclaiming the parts of yourself that were neglected, hurt, or silenced. It’s about becoming the caregiver you’ve always needed.
You’ve got this, and I’m rooting for you every step of the way. Whether you’re in West Michigan or anywhere else, know that healing is not only possible—it’s your birthright.
Take a deep breath. You’re doing the work, and that’s something to be proud of.
Warmly,
Kymberly
The Rooted Therapist MI